lundi 15 mars 2010

A spectator in my own home

I've taken my decision. It is over, and I want to move on.
It selfish, and cruel. But this is who I am.

We've talked and talked, trying to figure out where it all went wrong.
From here it looks like life has played a dirty trick on us...
Or maybe it was our own blindness and unwillingness to accept that we were being driven appart from each other.

We've evolved in different directions. And it is a pity.
But now we have to face it and cope, and make sure that the baby doesn't suffer too much.

I'm scared shitless that you will take her away from me.
It is me who is braking this home as you say, and I won't take her away from you. If you decide to leave and take her 22 000 km away from me, it will be a nightmare, but I'll take the bite. I can't decide to go back too, because I don't want to ever reproach her with that sacrifice. Or you.

I don't know what the month ahead will be like. We'll take it one day at a time.

All I can hold on to now, is the sensation that for the first time in a very long time, I'm not a spectator in my own home, but I am me living my life.

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